By Bob Groeneveld

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Apparently, 鈥減retty please鈥� doesn鈥檛 cut through white matter and get all the way inside the brain.

That鈥檚 why Vancouver beaches and other brain-vacant hot-spots were filled with spring breakers last weekend, while the city and the rest of the Lower Mainland were already racking up the highest COVID-19 numbers 鈥� including suspected, confirmed, and fatal cases 鈥� in the country.

Through the intertwined quirks of deadlines and infectious diseases (between which, throughout my 40-year career in journalism, I have often noticed similarities) I鈥檓 writing this as Vancouver鈥檚 mayor and councillors are preparing to add legal force to their earlier pleas of conscience and decency for everyone to stay the heck home.

Interestingly, though you鈥檙e reading this days after Vancouver鈥檚 said shift from polity to legality, we will not yet have witnessed the disease spike that will result from the inability of decent people to penetrate the wall of white matter that insulates young people鈥檚 brains from the consequences of their actions.

That spike will surely occur, as revellers leave the beaches and party palaces, and drag their hungover butts back to their home communities, to the expansive delight of the viruses that they injected into each other with ping pong balls and beer glasses.

When you get home, be sure to set the table for dinner. Your whole family is on the menu.

Got some friends who didn鈥檛 make it out to your spring break parties? There鈥檚 still time to raise the temperature for them 鈥� 38C is the magic number.

Planning to visit grandma this weekend? Bravo! What a wonderful and caring grandchild! Enjoy the visit, youngster. She won鈥檛 be around forever鈥� maybe not even for long.

White matter is the stuff that translates information that comes into and goes out of the brain during the early years of a human being鈥檚 existence. Thought processing through white matter has been linked with impulsive and risky behaviour, lack of empathy or consideration for others, and beer pong.

Over time, white matter in our brains gets replaced by the more familiar grey matter that guides our thoughts into maturity.

Generally, grey matter is supposed to take over the bulk of our thinking processes by the time we鈥檙e 25鈥� a little earlier if you鈥檙e female, and somewhat later if you鈥檙e a Millennial.

And later still, if you鈥檙e on spring break.

Because this is a democracy, people were first asked to help 鈥渇latten鈥� the COVID-19 pandemic鈥檚 curve through Canada, slowing the rate of transmission so that our healthcare system can manage the inevitable onslaught, so that those who can be treated need not die because we鈥檝e run out of masks and ventilators鈥� and doctors and nurses.

I know that social distancing is an annoying concept (although, as a former newspaper editor, it鈥檚 practically in my DNA).

Fortunately for those whose behaviour is predominately controlled by white matter, it鈥檚 the people with the most grey matter who will suffer the bulk of the consequences of their fun.

It doesn鈥檛 seem fair鈥� but then, most young people asked to do anything for someone else already know that life isn鈥檛 fair.

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In a past life, Bob Groeneveld was editor of the 91原创 Advance and the Maple Ridge and Pitt Meadows Times. Now he writes when and what he feels like. He has been sharing his Odd Thoughts with readers for more than 40 years. Visit with him on Facebook.