Whatever you鈥檙e doing right now, stop. Just stop.
Because chances are no matter what it is, you鈥檙e doing it wrong.
Using a cotton swab to clean your ear canal? Wrong.
Dispensing a Tic Tac with the opening face-down? Seriously, what鈥檚 the matter with you?
Cutting a watermelon into slices? Put down that knife before you embarrass yourself.
From the proper method for holding a hamburger or slice of pizza to the right way to dry wine glasses, insert a bobby pin, unroll aluminum foil or pour liquid from a carton, it seems our instincts have found no shortage of ways to betray us.
Whether it鈥檚 the right way to use an everyday product, the foods we choose to eat 鈥� including when and where we eat them 鈥� or basic bodily functions, we are, apparently, as clueless as they come.
And that includes doing one of the things you鈥檇 think would come most naturally to a person 鈥� making a number 2.
Believe it or not, the proper method is slightly more complicated than any of us ever suspected, and (spoiler) it involves a foot stool (no pun intended).
Luckily, we have the internet to set us straight.
Google 鈥�40 things you鈥檙e doing wrong鈥� 鈥� you鈥檒l see.
Short of time? Try 鈥�19 things you do wrong every single day.鈥� Or 鈥�10 things... 21 things... 22... 15...鈥�
One thing we do excel at is making lists of our collective shortcomings.
Turns out, we silly humans can鈥檛 even figure out how to wash our own hair, pack a suitcase properly, fill a bucket with water or put in ear buds. How have we made it this far as a species?
Let鈥檚 say you鈥檝e made the (solid) decision to avoid the internet entirely 鈥� sorry, you鈥檙e still not off the hook. (That鈥檚 assuming you even know the correct way to use a hook. Which, let鈥檚 face it, you probably don鈥檛).
There鈥檚 always that one guy (or gal, we鈥檙e equally guilty) who鈥檚 willing to share their vast knowledge whenever they manage to corner you at a party.
On the bright side, their nattering might just distract you from the fact the hostess is using soda water 鈥� soda water, are you kidding me? 鈥� to get out a red wine stain, Because everyone knows you鈥檙e supposed to use white wine for that.
And it should come as no surprise to anyone that scientists like to get in on the act. They鈥檙e the biggest know-it-alls out there.
You eat eggs? What, are you trying to kill yourself? Perhaps you鈥檝e never heard of a little thing called cholesterol.
You鈥檝e cut eggs out of your diet? Why on Earth would you do that? Don鈥檛 you know they鈥檙e full of healthy protein?
And don鈥檛 even get them started on coffee, butter or red wine.
Clearly, we鈥檝e Googled our way into an infinite no-win situation. The only solution, as far as I can tell, is to ignore the 鈥渆xperts鈥� and keep on doing what works, no matter how ridiculous you look in the process.
As the kids say, 鈥淵ou do you.鈥�
It鈥檚 easy. And if you can鈥檛 figure it out, the instructions are probably online.
