By Bob Groeneveld
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You don鈥檛 know what you鈥檝e got till it鈥檚 gone.
Sometimes Joni Mitchell鈥檚 words of pop advice apply even before it鈥檚 gone.
Sometimes, you just have to know that it鈥檚 going 鈥� or that the going is imminent 鈥� to make you notice what you鈥檙e losing.
We almost lost Sam recently.
He was terribly ill. He wasn鈥檛 eating; he refused to eat anything except the most delectable treats, and he often turned even those down.
He鈥檇 lost a lot of weight and gotten to the point where he had difficulty walking.
At times, I had to carry him up and down the stairs, like I had done when he was a puppy, and which, despite his considerable growth since then, he still likes me to do when he鈥檚 feeling sad or unwell.
His fitful sleep was ragged and his breathing laboured, punctuated by horrible rasping gasps.
We got some pills from the vet, and they helped鈥� until they didn鈥檛. And then we got more pills, stronger than the first batch.
Donna and I have walked the final walk with loving companions before, and this felt like we were headed down that devastating road again.
Somehow, he recovered.
He tires more easily now, and he sleeps longer and more soundly than he did before his illness.
But the tests we ran to try and understand what was wrong with Sam had revealed something else, something that has changed everything.
Sam is dying.
It鈥檚 probably not related to the illness that nearly took him from us.
Sam has a condition 鈥� a change growing in him 鈥� that will overtake him quite suddenly.
One day 鈥� maybe this week, maybe next week, maybe a few months from now, or maybe it鈥檚 happening right now as you鈥檙e reading this sentence 鈥� he will suddenly grow weak, he will lay down, he will probably fall asleep, and his heart will stop beating.
It may be related to a cancer, but probably not. There鈥檚 an operation, but at his age, success would be unlikely. And even 鈥渟uccess鈥� likely would not extend his life enough to fully recover from the operation.
So we鈥檙e just enjoying the love Sam gives us every day 鈥� every minute 鈥� while it lasts.
We spend more time with him than we might have if we hadn鈥檛 known what we should have known anyway: Sam is an old dog, and he is nearing the end of his life.
Nothing has really changed, except the awareness which came from discovery of his strange dysfunction.
It鈥檚 also made us realize 鈥� not just know, but truly realize 鈥� that Pippin is also an old dog.
And that we, too, are older than we once were.
What we have 鈥� everything we have 鈥� is not forever.
But it鈥檚 pretty darned good, and we need to enjoy it while we can.
